It's Harry, Not James
by Japhia
Summary: Sirius hasn't been out of Azkaban for too long, but he's having a difficult time not seeing James when he looks at Harry. This time, he really messes up. This is a commission for "Aijin Sama" on Gaia.


That messy mop of hair. It never changed. No matter how much lily tried, no matter the spells, the potions, the products, James' hair never behaved. Sirius barked his laughter as he recalled memories. "Permanent bedhead!" he'd called out from across the Gryffindor common room. "At least I don't have fleas." The taller boy had called back.

"The holiday is almost over, why haven't you finished your homework?"

A slightly annoying voice brought Sirius from his thoughts and without hesitation he called back to her. "Lay off Lily, he'll have it done before Slughorn figures out he's copied you, aye James?" He snorted his laughter and only stopped when no one else joined in. Dark eyes took in group before him. Molly Weasley was still as she nearly finished setting the table, eyes glued to him. Hermione and Ron had turned in their seats staring wide eyed. Fred and George were glaring at him for his words.

He swallowed hard as his eyes locked with Harry's. He looked like he might cry. "I-"

The wooden chair clattered as it hit the floor, and little sound was made as the boy shoved his way past his friends to ascend the stairs to his room.

Molly was the first to speak. "Perhaps it would do you some good to remember what time period you're in before you open your mouth." She slammed the last plate down on the table and dropped a pile of silverware on it, causing the other four to flinch.

"I-"

"Your sorries mean nothing to him anymore, Regulus." She lifted a wooden spoon and threw her hands to her hips, ready for his answer.

"Regulus is dead."

"So are James and Lily."

The silence was overwhelming from that. Even Hermione had nothing to say. She was sat in a chair at Ron's side, hand over her mouth in silent horror. The pot of soup simmering could be heard loud and clear, and the Weasley mother quickly crossed the distance between she and the criminal in hiding.

Her spoon made a sharp connection with his head. "That boy has been through a greater ordeal then you and he keeps a smile on his face. You show up and rub it off with your careless LACK OF THOUGHT." She smacked him again, not an ounce of remorse as she did so. "James is gone. Do you hear me? Wake up." She turned back to her food and lifted a new spoon before stirring the broth.

His feet felt ten times heavier as he exited the kitchen, headed for the stairs. 'I fucked up.' He thought. His hand rested on the banister, but he didn't ascend. Why was it so hard for him to separate Harry from James? Was it the hair? The pranks? The fun loving spirit? Harry never knew his father, so any similarities in his actions could only be coincidental at best. The inability to see his Godson as his own person, was no one's fault but his own.

"It's not surprising, you know. Well, when you really think about it." He turned his head to see Remus coming from another room, but he remained silent as the wolf spoke. "Harry was only a year old when you were thrown into Azkaban. James had just been killed. You never went to the funeral, and I doubt you've seen either of their faces since. Even in a photo. When you first laid eyes on Harry, what did you think?" It was most definitely a test, and yet he knew there was only one answer his old friend would accept. "You don't need to answer. The fact is, you're having a difficult time seeing Harry without seeing James."

"They wear the same glasses. Their hair is the same. They look identical, aside from those green eyes." Sirius' knuckles were white as they gripped the wood in such a way. "I need to speak with him."

"Must you?"

"Shouldn't I?"

"Should you?"

"Stop speaking in riddles Remus! I screwed up! I'm sorry. That is all I want to say to him. I am sorry." His right foot took the first step and began his ascension.

The wolf shook his head, turning into the kitchen as Sirius took the steps to see the son of their late friends.

The hallway to Harry's room was dark and didn't help Sirius. Since he'd come back to number 12, he'd done nothing to make it feel more homely. Cob webs hung in the corners, portraits glared at anyone who passed, and charmed flower arrangements hadn't been removed in 20 years. It was not a happy place. He rapped on the black door and twisted the nob. What he found tugged at his heart strings with a fury Molly could never have mustered.

Harry sat on the side of his bed, a photo of James and Lily dancing in front of a fountain, and occasionally looking back to pose for the photo and wave. The boy's sleeve was wet, but he was no longer crying. "Harry."

He didn't look away as he responded. "Do you know of the Mirror of Erised?"

He bit his lower lip and stayed at the door. "It shows your deepest desires. We found it in the room of requirement."

"I found it as well in my first year. Ron said he saw himself as head boy, with every trophy the school awards at the end of the year. I saw my mum and dad." He was quiet then as he touched the photo's glass pane. "I don't know anything about them, besides their looks and occasional accomplishments. I don't know their favorite colors, foods, or even what they got as gifts on holidays. I don't know their parents names. I have no family." He looked up at Sirius. "Accept you."

"Harry, I'm sorry. I never said goodbye to James and Lily. I was thrown in jail without trial, and when I first saw you, I saw James."

"I'm not James."

"No. You're not, and hopefully, you never will be. He was my best friend but he was a bastard." Harry's eyes widened at that. "He was far more then a prankster. He was a selfish little bastard who didn't do anything he was supposed to do unless his mum told him he had to." His boots clicked against the floor as he crossed it. "You break rules, but only if you have to. You do what's asked of you. You are respectful and kind. You are not James. You are much more like your mum, I think. I was a right prick for getting you confused, and I am sorry. From the bottom of my heart Harry, I am sorry." He sunk to his knees in front of the boy and took his hands. "Can you forgive me?"

"Maybe not right away." Harry looked away for a moment and Sirius felt it as another deserved slap in the face. "You must tell me what you know. You knew my dad before school, and you knew his… well, my grandparents, I suppose. Please tell me about them."

Sirius smiled and nodded. "I'll tell you everything I can remember." They both smiled for a moment and Sirius knew this was only the beginning of something new for them. He would from this point on, remember that James was a memory. He would always live on his heart, but he was not here and he never would be. Harry was his only family and he couldn't destroy what they had with his forgetfulness. This was Harry.


End file.
